Real estate podcast Episode 35: A 4X Agent Is In Control - 4X Formula
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4XF 35: A 4X Agent Is In Control

A 4X Agent is in control

Hey all you future 4X’ers out there, thank you tuning in once again to 4X Formula Radio. This is out last episode in a series of 9 Episodes focusing on what a 4X Agent is.  Period. This is what you become in your journey.  What is the goal?  These 9 facets.  If you are listening for the first time, it will make a lot more sense if you listen to the prior 8 episodes in sequence so that you have a clear understanding of the 4X Agent Identity.

Ok…we made it…#9 a 4X Agent is in Control.  I don’t mean controlling or a controller…I mean In Control.  I mean the one steering the ship.


I did an episode a few months ago and I was talking about the Internal Locus of Control.  I had never heard of this concept before.  I had never heard of that term “Internal Locus of Control” until I read about it in a book by Charles Duhigg, called Smarter, Faster, Better.

The opposite of that is an “External Locus of Control”….these are people that have a weak Internal Locus of Control…they blame the surroundings around them, they blame the things that they have no control over.  They give credit to the things that “happen” to them to everything and everyone else, around them.  The label, that I have for these people is that, they have a “victim mentality”.  This was before I learned that this has actually been studied.  These people are always victims and they always seem to have things “happening to them”.  The people in their lives are responsible for their failures, problems, misgivings, and challenges or when a challenge or problem arises they focus on getting the people in their lives around them to solve these problems for them and if they don’t, then this person will actually put those people into the category as a contributor to their problem.  It is a “no-win” situation being a friend or family member in the lives of these people.  It is tough.  You all know someone like this.  We all do.  Do you know a person like this?  Now to be fair, I will admit that this is the extreme example.  This is more obvious.  I would contest that there are alot more subtle examples too.

Let’s talk about our programming once again.  I have been doing this the whole time in all 8 of the other episodes. The reason I do this is so that you recognize what is happening in our society and in our social influences today…it is so powerful but also very subtle.  It is because it is so subtle that it is so powerful…I think.  Consider this.  If we fail or falter, we have so many excuses don’t we.  It is so easy to find a reason that is external that contributed to our failure.  You can post it on social media and you will get lots of “likes” supporting that thought.  This will, in turn, actually help validate your failure for you.  This is what we are always looking for “validation”.  Because then, we are released from personal responsibility and the failure becomes attached to, some other external reason, or excuse, or person, or event, or ….something that is completely out of our control.

“Oh…Its because of that…that’s the reason….its not me, if it weren’t for that circumstance beyond my control, then everything would have been different….not my fault….” 

We do this all the time.  We are all guilty of it.

DO any of you golf?  I golf once in a while.  Not very consistently or as much as I would like, because I am so busy all the time, but I when I do book a golf time, I think of it as a little 4 or 5 hour vacation.  I really enjoy it.  It is one of my goals to be able to golf more and take time to do that.  Last Father’s Day, I actually went to a store called “GolfTown” and I chose a new set of irons and new set of Drivers and actually for the first time spent some money on golf clubs.  This was a kind of a big deal to me.  I had a hard time making the decision to invest in a good set of clubs because I didn’t think that I was good enough to warrant spending the money.  I figured, that for the clubs to make a difference, I had to overcome my own misgivings and shortcomings about hitting a golf ball first.  But then I thought about it.  If I am going to get better and begin to improve, and learn, and apply etc, I should invest in the Clubs now and take it seriously so that I actually get used to the clubs while I am working on my skillsets to get better.  So it does go hand in hand.

When I think about that… I do appreciate how I was approaching it.  I was saying to myself…

“Ok, in order to justify getting new clubs and spending a bunch of money, I need to be worthy of that.  I need to get more consistent and create that muscle memory of swinging properly so that when I get new clubs, the new, more high quality clubs will actually make a difference.” 

Do you see the thought pattern there?  I wasn’t giving the Clubs, the control over whether or not I was a good golfer.  I don’t blame the Clubs, or the type of ball or the golf course or the people that I am golfing with for my own shortcomings.

I used to live on a golf course.  Backing hole #13 at The Falls Golf Course and Resort.  It is a beautiful golf course with amazing views of the valley floor.  I also sold a lot of homes in this area…From my back deck I could watch people teeing off in the distance to the left of my deck, and then when they got to their second shot to hit to the green, I could watch then quite easily right from the back of my deck…I can’t tell you how many times I witnessed this….

“Beep, Beep…..beep….and then fooo fooo foooo”  That’s the G rated version.  Basically a person being extremely upset at how crappy his shot was and then swearing profusely and then the sound of his club flying through the air into the forested tree area.  Now I totally relate to the feeling.  For sure.  I totally know how that feels.  If you have ever gone golfing then you know the feeling.  But when someone throws the club like that….what are they doing mentally?  They are placing the blame on the club.  Right?  This *#%&!!  CLUB!!!  Fooo fooo fooo fooo.

Now here’s the thing about Golf.  There are fundamental things that we need to learn about the swing.  Just the swing.  The swing has a bunch of facets to it to effect the outcome of how we hit the ball, and then the ultimate outcome of how the ball flies, the spin on the ball.  How it will land.  How it will bounce and roll etc.  The surroundings – the golf course – influence a lot of that.  If there are downward slopes, side slopes, sand traps that will effect where the ball travels after it hits the ground.  We know that if we keep the ball on the fairway, then we have a better chance of having a better second shot.  We know that are areas that are “out of bounds”.  There is water involved in a lot of circumstances.  The greens have slope to them and undulate in certain directions that effect how the ball will roll to increase the difficulty.  As we play more often we learn how to overcome these obstacles.  We learn how to deal with the various challenges and “outer influences” that we encounter.  We learn that we need to choke up or down on the club if we have a downward lie or an upward lie.  We learn that we have to open the club face a bit more if we want the ball to travel upwards and hit the ground with less roll.  When we are using our Lob Wedge, if I want the ball to go a little shorter, I may have the ball closer to my back leg  etc….These are things that you learn after fine tuning your game.  These come from experience and extra teaching that you gain over time.  Do you agree with me on this?

But the fundamentals of the golf swing are always there.  The Golf Game itself has rules and you know when you are succeeding along the way.  You know when you have a great game and you know for certain when you have a bad game.  There are measuring sticks along the way.  You record the strokes of each hole on your golf card.

Now let’s talk about the swing.  There are certain fundamentals about the swing.  Where you place the ball.  How you line it up.  You must keep your head down.  You must swing right through the ball.  What’s happening with your feet during the swing is so important.  How your shoulders move, and your hip movement through the swing and then the plan of where you want to direct the ball if you hit it perfectly….All of these things come into play in a split second and if any one of those things are not done right , or go off kilter, then you will see the result when the ball is flying through the air.

Now when you hit a crappy shot and hit a tree or a house, end up in the water or the sand trap….where does your mind habitually go?  “Stupid Club.”  “This is a crappy ball.”  “This golf course sucks.”  “Bob, you were talking….why did you talk while I was hitting?  That messed up my shot!”  “Who put that stupid sand trap there”

OR – do you look to yourself right away and figure how to correct what YOU did or what YOU didn’t do?

“Oh shoot, I think I lifted my head”  “Oh ok…I should have aimed my feet more to the left”  “Oh next time I should aim further right to avoid the sand trap”

Do you see the difference?

Another saying that I hear quite often in the golf world is this….”you are only competing against yourself”  That is how we need to think.  We are just competing against ourselves.  Working on constantly improving.  Constant and Never Ending Improvement.  C.A.N.I. right?  Take the control back.  Always focus on you first.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Focus on where you can work on things.  Keep it Internal.

Now here’s the thing; this is not something that you are born with.  On either side of the fence.  This is something that gets developed.  Your decisions, outer influences, upbringing, experiences, successes and failures have gotten you here.  As humans we create survival instincts, this is normal.  We have made choices in the past that has gotten us here today.  Everything goes both ways.  These choices have either helped or hindered our lives in some way.  If we haven’t been taught these concepts, then we have either accidentally built up or strengthened our Internal Locus of Control or we have discovered and strengthened other habits and thought patterns that have inadvertently caused us to weaken our Internal Locus of Control.

Here’s the good news!  Either way….its not too late.  This is the point that I want you to get.  The conclusion here is that this is something that you want to develop.  You must develop a strong Locus of Control.  You have to take responsibility for all of the parts of your business.  Every single part.  Just like I have to get better at all aspects of the golf swing and remember all the little details and make them habits so that I suddenly “naturally” create an awesome golf swing.  Does this make sense?

You either develop a weak Internal Locus of Control or you develop a strong Internal Locus of Control.  It is never too late.  Realizing and Recognizing it is the first thing.  Then you go to work.  We will help you.  That’s how the 4X formula Real Estate  course is designed.  As we move through the course you will be in a process of building up your Internal Locus of Control.  Little mini successes are the key.  I am so excited for you to join us on the journey.

Now with all of that in mind…let me ask and answer the following questions to you and for you:

Is the world going to come at you with some challenges?  YES.  Will things Happen to YOU?  YES.   Will some things happen to you that are unfair?  YES.  Will somebody do something that will hurt you or will somebody take advantage of you or disappoint you?  YES.  Will it be hard sometime?  YES.  Will you actually feel hopeless sometimes in your life?  YES.  Will you ever feel like you need help?  YES

But the difference between a successful person and a person who is not successful is how you deal with all of those things.  How do you approach the challenge or problem or the person that “wronged” you?  Do you allow those things to win?

NO  – not you….not a 4X’er…..not a 4X Agent…no way.  You do NOT allow those things to win.  You take those situations and figure out how to learn from it, how to make a positive out of it, how to improve yourself, how to avoid similar situations in the future, how to change your surroundings so that those circumstances don’t occur again or you at least minimize the chance of it happening again.  This will make you Better, Faster, Stronger, Smarter, if you approach it this way.  Know this.  Get excited about this.  This is the gift that you get for enduring these things.  These things will only harm you or hinder you or stop you or stall you or crush you…..if YOU let it.

We are all humans with different weaknesses and strengths but we can all build up things that are current weaknesses and make them our greatest strengths once we take back the control…Its up to you…nobody can do this for you.  It’s you.  You know when you point your finger – your index finger – there are 3 other fingers pointing back at you.

Here is an excerpt from the book, Smarter Faster, Better by Charles Duhigg:

Researchers have found that people with an internal locus of control tend to praise or blame themselves for success or failure rather than assigning responsibility to things outside their influence. A student with a strong internal locus of control for instance, will attribute good grades to hard work rather than natural smarts. A salesman with an internal locus of control will blame a lost sale on his own lack of hustle rather than bad fortune, something that was just done to him or happened to him.

Internal locus of control has been linked with academic success, higher self motivation and social maturity, lower incidences of stress and depression and a longer lifespan. A team of psychologists wrote this in a journal called “Problems and Perspectives in Management” in 2012. People with an internal locus of control tend to earn more money, have more friends, stay married longer and report greater professional success and satisfaction. So in contrast to that, having an external locus of control, believing that your life is primarily influenced by events outside your control is correlated with higher levels of stress often because an individual perceives a situation as beyond his or her coping abilities the team of psychologists wrote.

Do you see how blaming all of the things outside ourselves will literally stifle our own improvement?  Does this hit home with you?

In the Real Estate business there are things that are out of our control.  Would you agree with that statement?  The bank interest rates and how they fluctuate.  The economy.  Elections effect business sometimes.  Immigration policies.  The Stock market.  Factories shutting down in our area that affect numerous job losses and, in turn, the economy of our particular market areas.  Wars.  Threats.  Crime.  Weather.  The message from the NEWS that may cause people to think a certain way.  There are so many things that are outside of our control….

Make a decision to only stress about the things that are in your control.  Why utilize your mental energy to allow stress and anxiety to creep in on subject matter that is totally out of your control.  Where is the opportunity?  Ask that question.  Where can someone benefit?

In a seller’s market – is there opportunity?  You bet.  In a Buyer’s market – is there opportunity?  You bet.  In an balanced market – is there opportunity?  Yep.

When the stock market crashes is there opportunity?  Oh yes there is.

Think about what you can control.  Go there immediately.  Ask yourself the right questions.  Instead of “WHY MEEEEE???” or “WHY do these things always happen to me?” or “Why is this so hard?”

Ask WHAT and HOW questions.  Questions that invoke thinking about solutions and actions.

Action overcomes Fear every time.  Action overcomes challenges every time.  Action.

What CAN we control?

  • We can control the message that we want people to internalize and understand about US.
  • We can control the planting of seeds
  • We can control contacting our clients, referral sources, strategic alliances, cold and warm leads etc.
  • We can control how we deal with sign calls, emails, and information requests
  • We can control how we present ourselves in the social media
  • We can control our mindsets
  • We can control what motivates us and what excites us
  • We can control how we treat our wives, husbands, friends, family, children, partners, and other loved ones
  • We can be a positive example to others
  • We can control how we conduct ourselves with other Real Estate agents
  • We can control how we make decisions and what is the rudder for our decisions
  • We can control how well we can serve and WOW our clients
  • We can control what goes into our brains just like we can control what goes into our stomachs
  • We can control operating as a professional, being accountable, being organized, managing our time, operating with intention and being consistent, we can control building relationships and inspiring people to refer business to us…


WE can control that.  Every one of those things are in our Control.  A 4X Agent is in control.

Guys and Gals – we can control a lot of things.  This is where you take the power back.  This is where you become different.  Believe it or not…if you simply practice in this way you will stand out.  You will differentiate yourself….IT is not that hard to look good in this business.  IT is amazing what the general public has decided is acceptable or maybe what they have decided to “settle” with.  IT blows my mind all the time but I don’t worry about other people and how they conduct their businesses, as aggravating as it may be…I focus on myself.

I can’t control the conduct of others.  I can’t control what motivates others to do the things they that they do.  I can’t impose my will on the world around me.

I can only control ME.  That is where it needs to start.  There is an amazing amount of good in the world.  There is a mind blowing amount of bad in the world.  Bad things will happen to good people because there is evil in this world and it is sad and heartbreaking sometimes.  How do we  – the ones that are left – create a positive out of those heartbreaking circumstances?  How do we glorify the goodness  – even in the hardest times….how?  Well, that is in our control.

WE are in a business that allows us to have control.  We have nobody telling us to get up at a certain time in the morning.  We have nobody telling us when we get to take a break and eat food.  We have nobody telling us when we get to go home to our family.  If I want to head over to the School at 3:00 in the afternoon in the middle of a work day to watch my son’s rugby game then I can if I want to.  If I want to be the only father at 9:00am at the kindergarden class reading to my son during family reading time, then I can because I make my own schedule.

We get to establish our own value.  There is no ceiling.  We choose how to value our time.  We can get better at our craft.  We can improve our skills.  We can build up our business and do a great job and become an enormous person of value and get paid very well for that.  We can do the things to increase our value per hour, per day, per year.  There is nothing holding us back.

We get to be creative in order to develop business.  There is opportunity everywhere.  Every person you bump into accidentally could be your next raving fan client.

Embrace that.  Soak that in.  Do you hear that…I mean really hear that?

You are in control.  You are in the best business in the world for the average person with a low barrier of entry and endless opportunities… I have witnessed and seen and heard about people who were waitresses and beer cart girls, and guys who were homeless, and people who left a good paying corporate job, and people who went through bankruptcy become Millionaire Real Estate Agents.  All of these people had the cards stacked against them.  They had no advantages.  I was one of them.

But they all took the control back.  A 4X Agent is in control.

Well that concludes our 9 part series on what a 4X Agent is.  What you become as you go through our 4X Formula Real Estate Course.  I hope you have enjoyed this series.  I will continue to produce content for you to listen to, in order to help be a positive impact on your day…stick with me.  I am so thankful for you and I appreciate you listening to this information.  If you think that we are a good fit together, I would encourage you to get on the waiting list for the FREE Training and then once we launch, you will receive great value as the first early adopters taking this course.  I really appreciate the confidence and as always….I encourage you to Make a great Day!

This is Kelly Johnston founder of the 4X Formula Real Estate course signing off for today.

Hey all you 4X’ers out there…thanks again for joining us on 4X Radio.  We have now reached #7 in our 9 part series where we are talking about the 9 critical aspects that a 4X Agent must master or integrate into their DNA in order to enjoy the Dream Business.  What’s a Dream Business?  You ask?  We talk about my version of the Dream Business in episode #26.

Today is going to be a juicy one…I love this topic…once you get this and understand it fully you can’t help but enjoy the dream business!!!

A 4X Agent Builds Relationships…


I am excited to talk about this subject matter because it is such a “game changer” in our business.  In our Real Estate world.  Not all businesses get to enjoy this option.  Businesses that sell a service or a widget…don’t get to create relationships with their customers.  With the rise of the “box store” “warehouse” model it is less personal now.  But we think we are getting a better deal so we shop there.  Do you remember going into businesses and they knew your name?  Do you remember when they asked you about your family?  There was a bit of relationship there…the opportunity for that is getting more and more minimized.  Now with the uptick in online shopping – which I love by the way, the opportunity for any type of relationship building is eliminated totally.

But that is not so in Real Estate.

I don’t want to get to know my doctor really well…because usually when you go to see the doctor its not for a positive reason…the same thing with a lawyer…or even the accountant.  However, do you notice how we refer to these people?  “Oh I have to go see ‘my doctor’.”  Or “You will hear from ‘my lawyer’!” Or “I’ll have to check with ‘my accountant’ on that.”

Would you like people to refer to you as “my REALTOR”?  You don’t want people to refer to you as “THE Realtor” for sure.  See the difference?

Now when I utilize or hire or engage the services of anyone, I want to be a “good consumer or good customer” because I see everyone as a potential opportunity.  Even the guy hooking up my internet and cable is a potential client in my mind…nobody gets left out…But when it comes to the people that provide a service to me, I am not sure if they are thinking in their minds that they would like to solidify or build a relationship with me, in an intentional way.  Like we need to in our businesses.

This is not something that is taught in school.  It is not a thing that is taught in University either but I know that the people that “get it”, truly “get it”, and they enjoy the fruits of that for absolute certainty.

In our business – this the first thing that needs to change.  I hear it all the time.  I hear it from other Real Estate professionals, I hear it from other Real Estate Trainers all the time, I hear it from other people referring to our databases of people and it just grinds on my mind – like when someone sings off key or someone runs the needle of a record player over a record…you know that feeling?  I just cringe…it drives me crazy.  I can’t stand it.

They refer to people as a Customer.  It reveals to me, immediately, how someone is thinking about the people they are supposedly serving.  They have put them into a one dimensional format and categorized them as a consumer, a source of income, or someone to sell something to.  They are a customer.  They will satisfy that customer with their desired outcome and then make some money.  I can be way off base here but to me, it also kind of creates a “lowest common denominator” type of thinking.  They are a means to an end.  What can I get away with before getting the result?  How can I “close them” better?  How do I get the sale?

What do we call that?  We call that a Transaction, right?  That is a transaction.  We are performing a transaction between two parties.  Now there is paperwork involved; there are terms to be met; there are conditions to be satisfied; there is consideration; and there is money involved.

We get paid to put two parties together and create a successful outcome and then we get paid at the end of the transaction once it is complete.

I think that you understand all of this but when you break it down in black and white facts, that is the truth and it is how we conduct our business.

Why does it grind on me so much?  Let me ask you a few questions:

DO you agree that we are in the people business?  Do you believe that these people are making a pretty big life decision each time they do a “transaction”?  Do you think that there are other aspects of the product that they are buying that would be pretty important other than just the home?  Does this “transaction” sometimes or just about every time carry with it a major life change?  Can the transaction be emotional?

Just about every single time, we learn stuff about these people that is pretty personal.  We know about their finances; Their credit challenges;  Their kids and their family;  The querky things that are important to them;  The different things that are effect their lifestyle;  Their insecurities;  Their various personality traits;  How savvy they are;  How astute they are in business transactions;  How inexperienced they are;  We learn very quickly what they don’t know; How horrible they would be at negotiating if it were up to them; and how trusting or untrusting these people are…

We can’t help but get to know them a bit as we go through the journey together…it is that, a journey.

We have a fiduciary duty to take care of these people.  It’s loaded into our code of conduct…it is spelled out in the rules of Agency….

People!  This is a big deal!  WE are dealing with people!

Guess what? Here’s the other alarming fact.  We are people?  Ya…sometimes we forget.  News Flash!  We are people dealing with people.

Ok so with this new information – how do we operate?

With the Golden Rule in mind – right?  That is actually written into our code of conduct in our Real Estate board for my area.

How far do we take that.

“Treat others the same way that we would like to be treated”

Ok…what would we like?  Actually let’s start with – what we don’t like…

Do we enjoy dealing with a necessary evil?  Someone that we have to settle with.  Someone who has positioned themselves in a place that makes it unavoidable to deal with them?  Do we enjoy working with someone who looks at us as a means to an end?  Do we like working with someone who obviously does not care about us?  Do we like working from a place of insecurity, feeling like someone may not be qualified to handle our affairs?  Do we like dealing with someone who is late all the time?  Do we like dealing with someone who is obviously unorganized and frazzled?  Do we like dealing with someone who is constantly using tricky words to talk us into things?  Do we like dealing with people who look like they are doing this as a part time gig?  Do we like dealing with people who don’t fulfill their promises?

What do we like?  How would we like to be treated?

Do we like to work with people that we trust?  Do we like to work with or consult with or deal with, people that we like?  Do we like people who are working for our best interest?  People who have our back?  DO we appreciate it when someone goes the extra mile?  Do we feel good about paying a premium for something that is much better?  Do we as humans have an inherent need to be listened to? Do we as humans…this means all of us…have an inherent need to connect with other humans? Yes…Yes .. Yes…we all do.  This is normal.  DO we like being involved in a “win-win” relationship?

Guys and Gals….we need each other.  We do.

Also  – do we all like to get a good deal?  Or feel the satisfaction that we made a good decision?  Yes we all do.

Every transaction should be a “win-win” scenario.  Everyone should walk away happy with the outcome.  That feels good.  Was it fair?  Were all expectations met?  Were there some surprises or challenges?  Maybe…how were they dealt with?  How did the professional handle it? With integrity?  With honesty?  With professionalism?  Efficiently?  With your best interest in mind?

Your Business – wait, first of all – do you think of your real estate profession as a “building of a business”?  You must.

Picture a brick layer building a house of bricks – maybe this is the 3rd little pig.  Lol.  He is building his house of bricks.  1 Brick at a time.  It is unavoidable – each brick has to be laid by itself.  The Brick Mason sees the next area where he needs to lay in the next brick…scrapes in a layer of mortar, then puts some on the brick and then lays the brick.  He uses his trowel handle to tap the brick into place…then makes sure it is level with the brick beside it and then moves on to the next brick…This is the same as each client and contact that you meet and begin a relationship with.

This is how you build your business.  Each person has to be selected and then preparations have to be made in order for them to become part of your business and then you have to take great care in order to lay them in properly…then the mortar holds it all together.  It needs time to cure and solidify but once it is solid it is hard to break down or knock away…each person is like another brick to your business.  The Relationship is the mortar that holds it all together.  This is a relational business.  This is the business you want.  Trust me.  It is cheaper to maintain.  It is solid and highly profitable.

Treating your clients like customers is like just piling the bricks beside someone else’s brick house.  You just accumulate a bunch of bricks but there are not solidified anywhere.  Its all in a pile.  All different types and shapes and some are broken and cracked but they’re in the pile so it makes you feel good because the pile looks impressive…lots of bricks are good right?  You may have a few that you can stack neatly.  Some may stay around but there is no solidification.  Not only that but it is really easy for the guy next door to grab a brick and put it on his house to solidify his house.  If its not solidified on your house and its in this hap-hazard pile it’s fair game for any other brick layers – in this scenario.  That’s what it’s like.  That is transaction thinking.  I just want bricks.  More bricks.  More bricks.  More bricks.  Just keep going after bricks but not taking the time to organize them and put them in place and use mortar to keep them solidified to build the house is a waste of time, money and energy.  See the difference?

Does this analogy make sense?

Building Relationships is crucial to building the dream real estate business. Here is a list of 5 benefits:

  • You build a solid business that will be solidified with a foundation that will withstand any market condition.
  • You make more friends in your life and that’s awesome
  • You get a flood of referrals from these people
  • You are dealing with people you enjoy dealing with
  • You create a business of raving fan clients who are excited to do business with you.

I could go on and on and on,  about the benefits.  That’s just a few for now.  Believe it or not…this is a major differentiator.  I’ll explain.

What is the absolute foundation of all relationship?  What is the first thing?  It starts with trust.  Trust.  What has a more “trusting” tone?  Customer or Client.  Transactional business or relational business?  I think that we want to trust each other.  I do.  Personally, my first inclination when I meet someone is to trust them.  I want to trust them.  I want to believe that people will tell me the truth.  Sometimes I can be criticized for not being cynical enough for sure because…I know that I want people to trust me.  I want them to know that I will not lie to them.  I want them to know that I tell the truth to them even when it may be something that they don’t want to hear…That’s the way I operate and so why shouldn’t everyone operate that way.  When I catch someone in a lie then that is it, I cannot trust them anymore.

Years ago when my kids were in Elementary School I spoke to them about the “Trust Account”.  I explained to them about how bank accounts work and that soon they would be open bank accounts and learning the principals of saving money etc.  But right around that time my son did something.  I can’t remember what it was.  It wasn’t a big deal but he didn’t do what he said he was going to do.  I was relying on him to get that done.  It might have been something as simple as walking the dog so she doesn’t poop in the house or something.  Anyway, I thought that this was a good time to make this a teaching moment with the kids.  I explained how a bank account works.  Then I explained that when I put trust in them, it is like an account.  Every time they do what they say they are going to do.  Every time they tell the truth and act honorably they make deposits into the trust account and the account builds up.  I explained that I know that there will be times when they make a mistake or they screw up…that will happen.  A withdrawal is then made out of the Trust account.  It may have happened either on purpose or by accident but if they have made enough deposits in the trust account then I can continue to trust them.  IF they constantly make withdrawals then it gets harder and harder to trust them.  I told them that I want to be able to trust them.  I asked them if they trust me.  They said yes.  I asked if they ever felt that I had ever let them down or failed to honor my word with them.  They said no.  I told them that I would continue to make deposits because I wanted our relationships to be built on trust for the rest of our lives.

I think that they got it.  I have awesome kids…two of them are now “adulting” and my youngest is 16 at the time of this recording.  I am very proud of them.  Do they let me down sometimes?  Yes.  Are they perfect? No.  But I believe that we have an understanding and I know that I will continue to hold up my end.

So that’s the story about the Trust Account.  I love the analogy and I kind of came up with it on the fly at the time.

But think about that for a moment.  That is how we need to build all of our relationships.  With Trust first.  So does it make sense to figure out how to earn their trust as soon as possible?  Ask the question to yourself  – “how do I earn this person’s trust?”  Sometimes just asking a question over and over can get you to the answers.  Simple questions can be powerful.

How does it start?  By being a professional.  By being accountable.  By being organized.  By being consistent. By operating intentionally. These aspects are crucial so that is why we spend time on this subject matter.

Trust is the basis of all relationship.  What happens when Trust is compromised before you have had a chance to build up the Trust Account?  What happens?  The relationship will crumble.  It is very hard to put back together again.

Studies have shown that if someone is angry for some reason it can be repaired but if someone builds up resentment it is very, very, difficult to patch up.  Resentment builds when someone is “let down” or disappointed, or if they have been wronged.  If you have breached trust and can be perceived as taking advantage of someone, then resentment will spread like a cancer and literally kill the relationship.

I say this to new agents all the time… “Earn their trust quickly, and then never betray it”.

People always want to know “what to say”.  They want some tricky scripts.  It is one of the highest searched items on the internet for Real Estate professionals.  Yes…I studied it.  That is why we offer FREE Scripts on our website.  Go get them anytime you want at  I have designed them in such a way so that you need to employ the mindsets that we teach in order to really maximize the impact of those scripts.  If you don’t want to take our Real Estate course, will they still help you?  Yes, I believe that they will.  But, after saying all of that…you don’t have to practice a speech or memorize lines to be performed, if you are operating in a way that is designed to gain trust and then ensure that you never betray that trust.  Does that make sense?

Ok…now let’s take this and apply it to our marketing approach.  What is our message?  How do we deliver the message?  Who is the message directed to?  What medium do we use?  If you are now focussed on Relational Marketing how does that change your approach?  Put some thought to this.  This is where you need to be focussing.  What is important to the people that you are marketing to?  Listen to Podcast Episode #22 Entitled “Stop Saying Great Service!” to hear more about my thoughts on that.

I think our time is about done…this one went on a little longer than normal.  Thank you for sticking with me.  I truly hope that you are getting value from these episodes…if you are on iTunes please drop us a comment and a rating.  It really helps.  In the meantime, get on the wait list for the 4X formula Real Estate course and we will let you know once we start the launch.  Next Episode (#34) will all about Referrals!  So exciting…For now…Go out there and make a great day!

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