4XF 36: The Power Of Fear

 
 
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The Power Of Fear

Online Real Estate Training

Hey all you 4Xer’s out there.  Thank you for joining me once again on 4X Formula Radio.  I hope you are getting value from our time together…

Today we are going to tackle something that I believe is a very important topic – FEAR.

What is FEAR?  How can it help or hinder us?  That’s our topic for today….

INTRO

Here is a quote from Tim Ferriss.  I am not sure if you have heard of him but he is a very interesting guy.  He is an amazing person who has literally taken life and made a decision to maximize what occurs for him during his existence here on this planet.  Amazing guy.  You may have heard of the book, “The 4 Hour Work Week”….he wrote that book in his early 30’s, I believe.  That book was the launch pad for his success…Anyway..here is a quote on the subject of FEAR from him…

“What we fear most is usually what we need to do.” – Tim Ferriss

FEAR is something that a lot of people talk about in all circles of life.  The subject of FEAR appears in all parts of our life.  Its everywhere and the intensity of FEAR is experienced by different people at different levels in all various types of situations and subject matter….It’s everywhere.

I think that Tim Ferriss’ quote is really applicable but not always true in all situations.

FEAR can serve us too.  Right?  FEAR is a built-in survival instinct that keeps us from harm.  Should you be scared of driving a car off of a cliff.  Ummmm yes.  Yes you should.  That is a FEAR that will serve you.  I’m pretty sure you would agree with me on that.  So does Tim Ferriss mean that you should drive off the cliff?  I don’t think that is what he is referring to.

Let me ask you this…

Would you jump out of an airplane if I paid for the ticket and said, I would give you $200 dollars after the jump?  $1000 dollars?  $1 Million dollars?  Why not?  Why would you?  For a Million Dollars would you simply overcome the fear and just tough it out?

Would you do it?  For a Million Dollars!!!??  Some people would say…”I don’t care how much you pay me…its not happening?”  The Fear will totally hold them back.  They would give up the Million Dollars.  On the other hand, some people would do it for $200.  The $200 is bonus money to them…they would probably do it anyway.

I remember when I was in my early 20’s, my brother, Steve and I, went skydiving.  It was an amazing experience…but now in my 50’s, I am not so sure that I could do it again.  Just a different mentality BUT if you offered me $1Million, I think that I would totally do it.  I would overcome the FEAR.  I’m pretty sure of that.

But on that day that we were scheduled to go skydiving, I remember being excited and scared at the same time.  I was nervous.  I had no idea what I was getting into.  I didn’t really know anyone that had done it before so I had no frame of reference at all.  So, to my surprise, I learned that before we got our gear on and jumped in the plane, we had a full day of training.  The fact that I was surprised by this still kind of boggles my mind.  But, my point is, a funny thing happened.  As I recalled the experience, I remember thinking about this afterwards.  When we were going through the full day of training, we went through all the aspects of what would happen.  We learned what to expect.  We learned how do deal with emergency situations, for example, if our parachute got tangled up.  We learned how to pull the secondary chute if something happened with the first one.  We went through the whole process from how we needed to step out of the plane and then the signals that we had to give our attendants and what they meant….The details.  How to steer the parachute when we were floating in the air, and how to land when we came to the end.  The knowledge.  The understanding.  The tactics and teaching that they put us through that day…totally minimized the FEAR for me.  I got caught up in the details, and I became armed with knowledge.   I was empowered by the equipment and the “back up” plans and safety measures.  These people that were teaching me, had done it many, many times and they were just going through the motions.  So their confidence made me feel better.  I didn’t have to go through a pre-qualification process.  My size, weight, health, intelligence, past experience, was never brought into question.  I paid money for an experience and I was qualified based on my will to do it.  That was it.  The instructors never once made me feel that I was not qualified, or incapable, or had some sort of shortcoming, that would limit my ability to be successful.

For some reason this was very comforting to me.  I felt the FEAR subside.  I could picture myself getting into the plane and making the jump and it was ok.  Everything was going to be ok.

Do you see the parallel here?  This is how I have designed the 4X Formula Real Estate Training Program.  We go through all of the steps.  We go over all of the mindsets that are required.  We arm you with tools and how to use those tools in order to benefit your clients and help to systematize your businesses.  So now when it is time to take action and “do the doing”, I am hoping that we have built the belief, armed you with confidence and minimized the FEARS that you may experience when its time to get to work. Anyway…I digress.

So we “suited up” – got all of the equipment on and got into this little tiny plane and headed out in the wild blue yonder.  We reached the altitude and the area that they wanted us to begin our jumps.  The plane door opens and it was loud and windy.  We couldn’t even stand up in this plan.  We had to kind of maneuver ourselves towards the open door of the plane on our knees.  As I got closer to the door and there was only one person ahead of me and I was going to be next….the FEAR came in.  It took over my body for a minute…and then it was my turn….READY?  …..I was supposed to respond with READY.  Nothing came out of my mouth….then another time…READY?  Again…nothing.  I was speechless…finally I mustered a “thumbs up” and blurted out a very weak and feable “ready?”….Then my next move was to stand up and grab the inside of the plane and step out onto the wing, and with my other hand, grab the outside of the wing.

Oh…boy.  IT was loud and windy and …. The reality that it was really happening was kicking in.  I started to remember the instructions.  The stuff that we had practiced all day.  The things to expect.  I started to go over those things in my mind.  As I began to recollect the details and instructions, I began to remember my responsibilities and the FEAR started to subside….I took a big breath and I stood up and did what I was supposed to do… I got into position.  Now…all I had to do was let go.  I made a decision to ignore the FEAR and the shaky-ness that I felt and I just did it.  I took action.  I did not want to be paralyzed on the wing of the plane.  I thought that the FEAR would have been more of a danger to me if I succumbed to it at that time, as I am now standing half way in and half way out of the plane…Believe it or not that is how I reasoned with myself in that instance.

I let go….I was supposed to count  – 1 1 thousand  – 2 1 thousand – 3 1 thousand and then the parachute was supposed to open…That was the part that I really messed up on…the counting….I was just so darn thankful that the parachute opened that nothing else mattered…..ok…alright ….Phew…The panic then subsided…once the panic faded, I was able to focus on the experience and get outside of my own head.

Its all good.  This is cool.  Wow is it ever silent up here.  Wow this is such an amazing feeling.  The rewards started to come immediately… I was now over the FEAR and into the experience.  I was looking around at the earth below.  It was amazing.   I tried steering around a bit and that was cool.  The peace and tranquility of the flight was something that cannot be explained.  It was surreal.  When I landed and got off the ground, I remember feeling this amazing feeling.  I was elated.  I had this adrenaline running through my body and I remember being very proud of myself.  I got over the FEAR!  If I let FEAR hold me back, I would never have had the chance for that experience.

Do you see how there were a few opportunities where FEAR could have blocked things but how it was overcome by other things.  First my brother asking me to come.  My brother and I are quite competitive.  Not as much now as we have mellowed a bit but in my 20’s, I didn’t want to be seen as a chicken.  The Instructors helped me overcome the FEAR…because they helped me visualize the experience and helped me prepare for the challenges that may occur.  This armed me against the FEAR.  When I was in the plane and had a moment of hesitation, they prodded me gently.  The way that a coach should.  I paid the money, I said that I would do the stuff that I was taught and I needed to be accountable to that.  The FEAR was secondary to the fact that I had to do what I said I was going to do.  I had an opportunity to opt out when we were on the ground.  (I wouldn’t have gotten a refund) but I did have an option to opt out.  I chose not to.

You see how similar that is in our lives?  In our business life?  In our Real Estate Businesses?

I just encourage you….Dare to Try.  That’s it – Dare to Try.

There are so many healthy FEARS?  But there are many unhealthy FEARS.  That’s a fact.  Some are irrational.  Some are unexplainable.  Some have taken us over in a way that we can’t explain because something has happened to us or occurred in our lives that has created this FEAR…

Remember the 2005 Batman Movie with Christian Bale, called Batman Begins?  This is one of the most complete origin stories of all the superhero movies for me.  I loved it.  Its 14 years old now but still is a very good movie.  Remember how he had to conquer the fear that he had of bats….and then that became the persona that he adopted for himself.  Batman…didn’t choose to be batman because he thought bats were cool.  IT was the opposite.  He took his fear and made it his power.

I think that is what Tim Ferriss meant in his quote: “What we fear most is usually what we need to do.” He meant that we can empower ourselves sometimes by overcoming those things that are blocking our way to becoming the person we need to become, or enjoy that little success, or embrace that strange and wonderful, or exhilarating, or freaky, or meaningful, experience, that will enrich our lives.

Fear of Failure.  What about that?  We all experience that one.  But sometimes we fail to recognize that even in the failure, or set back, or loss of money, or time, that we learn valuable things.  We learn things about ourselves that we never would have learned.  We learn things about others around us that we never would have learned.  We learn things that we never would have learned if we simply remained on our comfortable little lit up and paved path that is easy and predictable.

By the way…that path, that I am referring to….in most cases, is a job.  You are a Real Estate Professional or a Sales professional because you did not want to succumb and get dumbed down and numbed, by a job.  You wanted to be in control.  You want to become the best YOU that you can be.  You want to decide what you are worth.  You want to discover who you can become.  You want to get to Thrive and get out of Survive…..Right?

What are we really fearing when we break it down.  What motivates FEAR?  Or causes the experience of FEAR?  You know the feeling of uncertainty and that little anxiety feeling that enters into our bodies.  Other Fears right?  Fear of being judged.  Fear of what people will say.  Fear of someone else who “warned you from this”, calling you out and being able to say….”I told you so!”.  FEAR of Failure.  FEAR of loss.  FEAR of Disappointing someone.  FEAR of losing out on your comfort. FEAR of ridicule.  FEAR of rejection, and many, many more.

These are all real.  They can be motivating and empowering or they can be literally paralyzing.

Imagine if you took those FEARs….Let’s label them again:

Fear of Uncertainty – Being Judged – Failure – Loss – Disappointing someone – Losing out on your Comfort – Ridicule – Rejection – FEAR of someone being mean to you….

Imagine if you took those FEARS and turned them into power.  Imagine if you used those FEARS to motivate and empower you?  Arm yourself with the knowledge and understanding and get out there and get dirty so that you and learn and improve and simply get better and get better.  When Bruce Wayne went to the Far East to do his training in the middle of know-where, he experienced a lot of pain, a lot of mistakes, in his training and suddenly one day he got it.  He passed the test.

As you may or may not know depending on how many episodes you have listened to…I love watching football.  I never played football.  It was not available to me when I was growing up.  BUT….I can watch a game from the comfort of my living room and I can pick out all of the mistakes and errors of the coaches, the players, the management, and the referees.  DO I have a right?  Yes…it is my livingroom…lol.  My TV and I am the master of my domain.  Just joking…the answer is no.  Did I go through the stuff that any of those people went through?  Did I go through the rigorous training and the painful experiences and self sacrifice, trials, tribulations, pain, and mistakes, that these people endured, to be able to be showcase their talents and abilities on my television in front of me?  No.  Not even close.

This is the most important thing:  Do you think any of those professionals give a hoot about what I say?  Or the suggestions I make for them?  No.  Nor should they.  Even if I was saying it to their face, they wouldn’t care because they know what they have gone through and if I am not in the locker room with them, then they know I have no qualifications to judge them in any way.

If you have watched sports long enough, you will hear about how a player “seems to play with a chip on his shoulder”.  He plays with an attitude.  His motivation is to prove everyone wrong.  He was either snubbed in the draft or comes from very humble beginnings or was told he would never make it, and he decided to use that to empower himself.  People love hearing this story.

This is where you need to get to – mentally.  DO more.  BE more.  Experience more.  Give more.

Here is a great quote from Theodore Roosevelt…

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Does that get you fired up?  It does for me.  I had a lot of critics.  I had a lot of people talking behind my back.  I had people spreading lies about me.  I operate in a town with less than 300 licensed professionals and I have lived here for over 43 years.  You may identify with this.  When people see you succeed they hope for your failure.  When you do “seem outwardly” to fail, they celebrate.  That’s ok.  I have forgiven them, and they don’t even know it.  But that’s ok.  I keep just doing what I am doing and there are more people rooting for me than those that don’t, because they are the ones who actually know me, and are on my side helping me build my business by referring many people to me.

These “nay-sayers” have no effect on my business in any way.  They have no power unless I give it to them.

If you do nothing…then you have no effect.  There is nothing to talk about.  There is nothing for others to be jealous of.  You might as well be invisible.  So if you want to avoid that then just simply do nothing.

What happens when you do that….nothing.  FEAR that!  Associate more FEAR to the experience of nothingness….that will drive you to DO…If you DO more.  BE more.  Experience more.  Give more…If you try.  If you attempt.  If you embrace new ideas.  If you work hard.  If you do more than the average person, you will get noticed.  You become EXTRA-ordinary.  You will shake things up.  Some things will work.  Some things will not work.  You may lose some money.  You may not win sometimes…..but EVERY SINGLE TIME, you will gain.  You will enrich your life in some way.  After you have finished licking your wounds, and had your pity party, and you start to sort things out in your brain, you can now focus on the lessons, and the new solutions and how to tweak or adjust.  This is incredibly empowering.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
–Dale Carnegie

The quote, that I coined, if you will.  Maybe someone else more important than me said it at some point, but this is what I say all the time to people.  “Action overcomes the initial seed of FEAR every time.   Don’t let the seed germinate.  Take action so that the seed doesn’t get a chance to take root and you will be empowered by the experience”

Action.  Create a new FEAR…FEAR OF INACTION.

Fear that INACTION allows doubt to creep in.  INACTION ensures Failure,  INACTION ensures instability,  INACTION ensures loss or the inability to gain.  (Which is loss in my mind unless you have finite financial resources) INACTION ensures that you will not Experience the Gifts that come from Action… INACTION and, what I term, “Analysis Paralysis”, will do just that.  Paralyze, Stifle, and Hinder your growth and success, and your personal development and will absolutely guarantee that will never discover that YOU that is the BEST YOU that YOU are meant to be…I really believe that.

Allow that Fear to set in.  Create a feeling of FEAR for that.  Then see how that can empower you.  All the gifts that are for you in your life are waiting at the edge of your comfort zone and all you have to do is FEAR the loss of that, instead of all the other FEARS that truly have no power over you.

I have seen this acronym. FEAR is simply False Evidence Appearing Real.

I hope that today’s episode was helpful and encouraging for you today.  I really appreciate that you are hear listening and as always if you are on iTunes, I would really appreciate it if you would drop a rating and give me some comments.  It would help introduce this information to other people that maybe need to hear stuff like this once in a while and help them take their businesses to the next level.

Thank you.  I hope you all go out there and “make a great day!”.

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